Is that so?

Human beings are fascinating.

We’re complicated, conflicted, and full of contradictions.

For instance, we have a deep need to know where we stand and what’s expected of us, and we love to seek and explore the edges of our understanding and abilities.

Why is that?

Fundamentally, we’re most often navigating our life on autopilot.

Scientific research reveals that 95% of our day-to-day thoughts and actions are unconscious.

Most of what we think and do today is the same as what we thought and did yesterday.

And those thoughts and actions have been informed by the scrutiny and expectations of others (parents, peers, teachers, trolls, etc.).

What to do?

You need to bring your conscious mind into the conversation. 

How?

One way is to ask this simple question, “Is that so?”

For instance, when your fight, flight or freeze instinct is triggered by some comment made by a family member, friend, or some random acquaintance on social media, pause.

Zoom out.

Get curious.

Become an observer of yourself and ask, “Is that so?”

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”—Victor Frankl

“Is that so?” is a powerful question.

First, it defuses any strong emotional reactions tied to fear and anger. Think about it. Can you be truly curious and angry or afraid at the same time?

Second, becoming the observer of your experience separates you from the situation. Now, you can work on the problem instead of allowing the problem to work on you.

Finally, you’re de-personalizing the opinions and value judgments inherent in human communication. Assumptions rarely survive critical, rational, or scientific thinking.

“It’s not things that upset us. It’s our judgment about things.”—Epictetus

Ask, “Is that so?” anytime you catch yourself behaving rashly or responding to someone or something in a knee-jerk manner. It’ll save you from spiraling into a doom loop of anger, despair, or terror.

What situation occurred already today that would have benefited from asking, “Is that so?” How can you remember to ask, “Is that so?” next time someone throws you a curveball or things go sideways?

Scott Perry, Chief Difference-Maker at Creative on Purpose.

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